Why we make a good team….

Do you ever sit back and really ask yourself why you and your husband/wife/significant other make such a great team? I never really had until recently. Until we became parents. Until we had multiple children! I often think of the saying “Opposites Attract” I never thought that could work but when I really think about it, my husband and I are opposite in a lot of ways. We are also alike in a lot of ways, we share the same goals, wants and beliefs in a lot of things. To me having the same goals and belief’s in raising a family is what made me want to marry him. If you don’t, how can a marriage work without one of you being unhappy? How can it survive if you believe in different things and want to raise your children differently. We had this very conversation a lot before we were even engaged. I never thought of how I wanted to raise my kids until I was at the age of really being ready for them. Of course in my twenty’s I just visualized motherhood as being something I always wanted, having a family was always a strong desire of mine, but I never put a lot of thought into how I was going to raise this little family of mine.  So when my husband explained to me what was important to him when becoming a father my heart grew deeper for him. The more time that went by and the more we talked about it the more my heart grew for him. Two years later I knew without certainty that he was my soul mate. If you have that love at first site storybook story, I think that’s awesome, I grew to love my husband as the days, weeks, months and years went by. I met him during a difficult time in my life so I was dealing with a lot of emotions. He stood by me. He patiently waited for that love to grow and when I realized he was around for the long hall, I just knew he was the one. I then started harping on him for a ring!!

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How are we opposite, oh gosh so polar opposite in so many things. For one I’m a scheduled routine person, my husband is a spontaneous, fly by the seat of his pants kind of guy. We have rubbed off on each other over the years. He is very scheduled and routine-like at work but when he gets home…….he’s lost all control of that! He hates when I schedule too many things in a weekend, but little does he know we’d spend no time friends or family or take part in no family activities if I didn’t plan these such things. I can try and be spontaneous however when something is sprung on me or if something changes last minute my anxiety kicks in. My husband calms that for me. I like to call him my comfy blanket. When I’m with him, nothing can hurt me, when I have him by my side, I kick my anxieties ass!! I think of that as being a win win when it comes to being opposite. When I first met my husband I thought he’d be better off with someone like my sister because they are both positive people, they both procrastinate and well my big sis loves sports and I know my husband used to date chicks that loved sports……..me. Not. So. Much. However the longer I dated him, the more I realized that opposites have to attract to really work. If my sister and my husband got together, honestly, nothing would get done HA! If you think your husband is a procrastinator, I have you all TOPPED. It’s my pleasure to give you some examples.

Example one: We had a BBQ this summer to welcome my son and invite our loved ones to see our new home, yes that was my husband mowing the lawn 10 min before our guests arrived. Yup I’m a lucky girl!

Example two: This one is my fav, however the one that actually angers me. I like to cook as you all know. I’ve learnt to give my husband a “heads” up so to speak before dinner is actually ready, I give 15 minute warnings, another words if you need to use the bathroom, wash your hands etc etc. do it now. The second I say “OK Dinner is ready” He gets up and………no no folks he doesn’t follow the amazing smells coming from the kitchen, he heads to the bathroom, down to the garage to get a beer, heck he’s come a long way he used to get in the shower!!! YES he used to try and get in the shower as I was putting dinner on the table!!!! AHHHH!!! I’ve learnt to pick and choose my battles, now I just eat my dinner hot and he eats it cold 😉

Example three: Now this one shows that my husband is a pretty relaxed guy, he doesn’t move too fast he’s kind of like a “Hey whatever” kind of guy. Actually I’ll admit right now I’m very envious of this characteristic my husband holds! I’d give anything for it. Well when we are leaving the house for a holiday dinner, let’s say we need to leave at 3 to get there for 4, at 2:57 he’ll get up and get in the shower!!!!!!! Imagine the frustrations I suffer during those times, yes I give warnings, like aren’t you going to get in the shower, or I even went as far as to give him “Andy” time, meaning I tell him we have to leave an hour before we really have to! HA! That worked for some time until he caught on!! Actually now that we have kids he doesn’t really do that anymore, he wasn’t given a choice with two kids to get ready to head out the door, wait what am I talking about he doesn’t get the kids ready when we leave the house………OK I better stop I’m supposed to be talking about why this Man is the love of my life  not complain about him 😉

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I’m not embarressed to admit that hubby and I see a therapist. This is another reason why we have such great communication within our marriage and how we’ve managed to get through some rough patches. We started after my daughter was born when we went through some major family drama lets call it. I then was diagnosed with PPD so it was the right thing for us to do. We go once a month and let me tell you when we leave, we are closer than ever. There is nothing to be ashamed of, I think a lot of couples would benefit from it, we all don’t grow up the same, so when you get together with someone, commit your life to them and then start a family, it’s only normal for you to not see eye to eye on raising this so said family. I remember when we first got married not much changed but we fought a lot. Mostly over household things. My husband is a very fair person, he always hears me out. He knows we are equal in this parenting gig and he respects my decisions and my belief’s, I think that’s so important. We have had some major adjustments in our lives this past year because we moved and we had another child and man oh man that is enough to rock any boat! Between our therapist, our strong willed attitudes about always being respectful and fair and trying so desperate to make time for one another we are finally getting there. Are their hiccups everyday, sure, heck EVERY. DAY! I think one of the hardest adjustments we we’ve had was when I stopped working to be a stay at home Momma. It was hard. It wasn’t all flowers and sunshine and I always felt responsible for doing everything around the house since I didn’t work and I was home. It took me almost a full year to realize that I was providing for my family just as much as he was just in a different way.

There were times when I didn’t know if my husband and I would “Make a good team.” after dating a year or so I got to know him better and realized we surly did NOT grow up the same, I won’t go into it much, I’m not saying one way was right or wrong, just different. So when we started talking about having a family I asked him a lot of questions about how he wanted to raise his kids. I had strong beliefs and I wasn’t budging on them because well…….it was the Momma instinct in me before I was even a Momma! Anyways, as the time went on and the more we talked about it, the more my heart just grew stronger for him because we had the same goals, we had the same belief’s in almost everything. It’s when I realized you don’t have to have EVERYTHING in common. It’s when my heart was finally complete. Yes I’m that cheesy one that tells him that he completes me. Because he does.

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When I have a bad day he instantly cheers me up whether it’s just by saying the right things or with a bouquet of flowers or bottle of wine! We worked really hard at this, sometimes it’s natural for one of us to butt into whatever is going on in our day. For example if he’s having a bad day at work and is venting about a problem, there are some days when he just wants to vent and I listen. Figuring out when to speak up and give an opinion and when to just be there and listen doesn’t come automatically. It’s very seldom that we have a bad day together and if we do by the end of the day when the kids are in bed we will just look at each other and say “Wow, that day just sucked.” We make a good team because we keep each other positive. I never realized how hard it was to raise a family until I was knee deep in poopy diapers and bills up to my eyebrows. I think if we knew how hard it was maybe a lot of us would choose not to. I have zero regrets, I chose my husband, I chose to have children with him and 80% of the time I’m happy, the other 20%……….well we can just chalk that up to shit days!

Why am I writing this post today? Hmmm lots of reasons. I think it’s important to make time and look back onto where your family started………the everyday hustle and bustle of life can get challenging and I like to look back at how far my husband and I have come as not only a couple but as individuals, as parents, as the very best people we can possible be.  When gathering pictures for this post for the first time in my life I didn’t look back at them and say, “Oh wow I wish I looked like that now.” or “Man I miss it just being me and you.” For the first time EVER I was able to say, “Wow, look how far we’ve come.” or “I have loved every step of this path with this man.” Minus a few wrinkles and pounds of course, however I’ve earned every single new wrinkle and every single new pound for the best reasons life can give you. My children.

This is why we make a good team.

 

2 thoughts on “Why we make a good team….

  1. Great article, story, slash outlook on life. With attitude, your marriage will always survive, it may have bumps, but a strong strong survival rate, just always do what your doing, as the teenage years approach, and you need to be on the same page, and you will raise wonderful, fun loving, caring children.

    I am very very proud of you Tammi, and Andy too!!

  2. Thanks Momma! It means a lot to me that I have the support system that I have 🙂

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