Loving Two

When I first found out we were expecting I immediately was consumed with guilt. YES GUILT…..the guilt of having to share my love with another child. I know it comes naturally, I know that a mother’s love is endless and there is always room to share, I know all of this, but I still felt this ache in my heart every time I spend time with my Madison. I still glance at her from time to time and wonder if I’ll ever miss this time, if I’ll ever miss the time alone with her. People say I won’t, people say that I’ll still make alone time with Madison and life will just happen. I want to believe it, I do believe it. It’s just more of the emotions I think any mother of one, expecting another goes through. I know this because I know plenty of people that are either pregnant and feeling the same way, or parents of more than one child already that have told me all of this.

A few week ago a blogger friend of mine read this poem and thought of me, enough to send it to me, how sweet is she!!?? I started crying before I even started reading it. I then read it again later that same night to my husband and cried all over again. So until the spring when this little one is due to enter this world, for the next six months, I’m just going to enjoy every second I can with my daughter. I thank both of my children for giving me the gift of motherhood.

119_0469

Loving Two

I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then the child is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you’ve never shared me before.

I hear you telling me in your own way, “Please love only me”. And I hear myself telling you in mine, “I can’t”, knowing, in fact, that I never can again.

You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I’m afraid to let you see me enjoying this new child, as though I am betraying you.

But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.

But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times – only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.

I watch how this new baby adores you – as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of this baby’s new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven’t taken something from you, I’ve given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you.

I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you – only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you’ll never share my love. There’s enough of that for both of you – you each have your own supply.

I love you – both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.

Author Unknown x

I hope this happens for me….I know their will be loads of new things for me and my family. There will always be NEW firsts for Madison, only now she gets to share them with a sibling. I have a sister. Though we didn’t get along growing up, we are closer than ever now. She adores my child as her own. I trust her with my life, if I didn’t she wouldn’t have gained the relationship that she has with my daughter. I’m so thankful for that. I want my daughter to be thankful for that. Here she is with her TT, who she adores.

TT

I want to see the benefits of having two kids,  see what it’s like to share that love. I know I will in time. In my own time.

6 Responses to Loving Two

  • Tammi~ I can remember when I became pregnant with my second wondering if I would ever be able to love him like I loved my first… the minute I held him in my arms, there was no doubt! You will be amazed at how much you are capable of. Guess what, when my third was born, I loved him as much and then then my fourth… yep, you guessed it! Mommas gots lots of love in us!

    • mommasmeals says:

      Four, Oh my, I have such a higher level of respect for any mother these days, specially mothers with more than one LOL, sometimes I wonder how I’m going to do it! :)

  • Sarah says:

    Sweet poem. I cried. ;) I currently have two. One is just about 4 and the other is 2. I am also expecting number 3. Our first little girl. It’s interesting, because I had thought about how can I love TWO? But truly it becomes a bigger love, so intense. Amazing. Jeremiah (my oldest) had to get used to the idea, he rejected me for a time and loved on my mother(his Nana), but now he loves his little brother Noah, and is a sweet heart about it all. Making sure Noah is with us just about all the time. :)

    Now with baby 3 on the way, I think my youngest will go through a change. He is mommy’s boy (he was the one I breastfed successfully for 18 months), and is rather attached to me. I so believe he is going to have to go through sharing me in a different way, much like his older brother. But I know, he will love her, as he watches his older brother love her too. :)

    Growing a family has so many emotions, but the end results are so wonderful. :)

    • mommasmeals says:

      OH Sarah you must be so thrilled having a baby girl this time around!! I’m so happy for you! I know I will continue to be amazed I guess I’m just having a hard time for my daughter, I feel so badly for her, but then again my second will never know what it’s like to have my husband and I to themselves so why am I left feeling bad? As you said, so many emotions, emotions that are all worth it! :) GL with your baby girl!

  • Kelly Leighton says:

    This is exactly how I’ve been feeling lately. My hormones are making me so emotional these past few days that I can’t even finish reading the poem right now lol. I will return to it though. Thanks for sharing, I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels this way!!

    • mommasmeals says:

      I know we ARE NOT the only ones, I know it’s normal for us to feel this way, it’s just a matter of getting over them and still making Madison feel special that will be my osbstacle, but sometimes knowing we aren’t alone in feeling this way helps! :)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Enter your email here to subscribe to my blog and receive notifications of new recipes, tips and Mommahood stuff by email.

Join 130 other subscribers