Dear Drew: I Wish I Could Keep You Little Forever

Dear Drew,

I Wish I Could Keep You Little Forever. It’s a new book I recently read to you and I fell in love with it because well…..I wish I could keep you little forever. Knowing I won’t experience any more sweet “firsts” saddens Momma. Like the first time you took your first steps, said your first words, or even formed your first sentence. Instead I know I’m headed for all of the “firsts” I won’t enjoy. Like the first time someone breaks your heart, the first time you don’t make a team or the first time you drive a car. Not things I want to think about. So I won’t. For now.

“If I could keep you little, I’d kiss your cuts and scrapes but then I’d miss your learning from your own mistakes.”

You actually “don’t want to be a big boy.” You say it to me all the time. You keep telling us that you want to be a little boy forever, if you only knew that you still have SO MUCH time to be a “little boy.” I think part of the reason why you didn’t want to learn to use the potty was because of this very reason, still every time I say “great job big boy!” I get THE face. I wish I had a photo of that face. One day I mentioned M&M’s and you ran for the toilet. The rest is history my sweet boy. Then one day you really really wanted to go somewhere and you were being your stubborn self refusing to get dressed. I said we can go as soon as your dressed. I stood in the kitchen staring at you as you put on your undies (momma calls them skibbies and you hate it!), pants, shirt, socks and sneakers. All by yourself. I almost cried, one because all this time you’ve been claiming that you can’t do it so with much aggravation I’ve been changing you at almost three and a half years old, but mostly because my baby is getting bigger. During the week you were potty training we let you run around the house with just your undies and a shirt. It was just easier for you to run and pull when you realized you had to go. I couldn’t resist. I took so many pictures because there is just something so stinkin cute to me about your little tush in undies.

I Wish I Could Keep You Little Forever

I Wish I Could Keep You Little ForeverYes you even ate Thanksgiving dinner in your undies.  Your great grandmother was a bit horrified but she got over it! I find myself just watching you. Your little body curled into a small awkward position so you can watch the train go around the track in that perfect spot. I can sit here all day, and sometimes I do, and just admire you. Though there are a lot of days that I count the hours until bed time please know there are many many days I never want to come to and end because tomorrow you’ll be another day older. I remember the way my heart sank when I heard my first “I love you.” For months it was “I ludge you” I knew once you learned how to say it correctly I’d be devastated.  I was right. Below is a photo of you falling asleep at 4pm. It’s the first time in over a year that you napped. I tried to wake you but you slept right through dinner.

I Wish I Could Keep You Little Forever

You went through a period of a few weeks where you would cling to me and cry when I dropped you off at school. It tore at my heart because it was new and you had never really been that way. Luckily it didn’t last long and now you run off and play without even giving me a hug or a kiss. You always ask to use my phone on the way to school and nine times out of ten I let you so I can have some silence in the morning and just listen to my country music. One day you sat there and talked my ear off. You talked about the all you can eat ice cream store that we go to when Daddy puts the boat in (aka it’s the gas station we stop at that sells dollar ice creams) Then you proceeded with why there were so many cracks in the road and it must be from the dinosaurs. I swear one of these days I’m going to get into a car accident because I’m constantly looking in the rear view mirror to look at your eyes as we drive by things. I can promise you on this particular day Momma did NOT miss her country music and did NOT need any silence.

I Wish I Could Keep You Little Forever

You still use the wrong tense in a lot of your sentences. For example, you say “Did you make that to me Momma?” you still call Maddie, Naddie which melts my heart. UPDATE: Since starting to write this letter to you, you started calling her Madison (with your own twang.) When you feel passionate about something you take a lot of breaths and you repeat a lot of the sentences because I can see the excitement in whatever it is your about to say. Three is such a fun age. It can be frustrating at times as we try and teach you things that you want no part of like cleaning up the play room at night, hanging your coat up or bringing your plate to the sink but for the most part you just need to be reminded. Your like your Daddy, you get side tracked pretty easily.

“If I could keep you little, I’d cut your bread into shapes (which I do by the way) but then I’d miss you finding “Hey I like ketchup with my grapes!”  (You laugh at this one still.)

When I ask for a kiss you actually give me one. I love the way your little arms wrap around my neck. Life gets so busy, lunches need to be packed, errands need running, appointments need to be made, holiday events come and go and sometimes we must remember to simply just say “Can I have a hug buddy?” On the days that you are home with Momma alone all I do is snuggle you, pinch your cute bum and kiss the top of our head ALL. DAY. LONG.

Though I wish I could keep you little forever little man I promise you I am enjoying each and every milestone. One day last week I watched an old video, it was exactly a year ago this month that I taped it and it was a video of you realizing that Daddy was home from work. It’s one of the sweetest video’s and I’ll treasure it forever. It made me see that in one short year you’ve gotten so big. I do love stepping back to watch you become the sweet little boy you are becoming.

Momma loves you love bug.

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