Dear Madison – The day I registered you for Kindergarten.
I wiped a tear from my cheek without even realizing that I was indeed crying. Where had the time gone? Has it really been five years? Weren’t you just turning a year old yesterday? I remember when all of my friends were registering their child last year because depending on what month you are born in, decides what year you will start school. I remember being sad that you weren’t going to be starting with some of the Mom’s I’ve been friend’s with since I had you. Then that Fall day came and I saw pictures posted all over social media of kids and their first day of Kindergarten and I realized just how happy I really was that I had one more year with you. One more year of homemade crafts for each holiday, one more year of being lazy every time we wake, one more year of play dates and back yard fun.
Sure you go to the local preschool/daycare in town three days a week so you can learn to socialize, learn your letters and numbers and it gives Momma a chance to work and get things done at home, but man Tuesdays and Thursdays have become “stay at home days” as you call them. Each night when we tuck you in you ask “Is tomorrow going to be a stay at home day?” I admit that I sometimes dream about what I’ll do when your at school every day from 9-3. How much I’ll actually be able to accomplish for my writing and us at home. Kid myself not though I also dream of the Summer days we will have, when school lets out and it’s time for some Summer fun. I dream of the days where Drew will be at daycare and I’ll get you all to myself. What will we do?! I won’t rush this time sweet girl. I will hold onto every day we have together.
So many days are hard sweet girl. I keep telling myself that you really “won’t get it” Until you are a mother yourself someday. I’ll share a secret with you though, I have wished too many days away. I have counted down to bedtime way too much. That’s how I realized that all of a sudden you were five and we are now talking about the day I registered you for Kindergarten.
If it’s one piece of advice I can give you when you’re a mother someday is learn to live in the moment more so you can appreciate each and every moment that arises. I’m learning to finally do that. It took too long to finally realize that disconnecting from the world and just being with you and your brother was all I ever needed to turn around a bad day and in return, it’s all you ever want. “Momma can you come play with me?” “Momma do you want to play with us?” “Momma do you want to play a game?” Such sweet words and too many times I’ve replied with “Momma is busy honey”, “Momma is making lunch” or “Momma is just resting right now.” I promise you that is going to change. I hear the sweetness in your voice, I can feel the innocence in the questions but it’s taken me this long to realize that I should be saying yes to those questions more than I actually do. Yes, I play hide and seek, I stop prepping dinner to read you your favorite book and yes I pretend to play dead when you shoot me with your favorite toy, but in the end what is just one more time? At the end of the day, when your 25 years old, will you remember the dinner that I served you that night or will you remember how silly Momma was when she broke out the “Watch me Whip and watch me NaNa dance?” or got out my silly tickle hands.
When you are 25 can I ask you this question? Can I ask you what you indeed remembered? Then I will know that I embraced just the right moments.