I just miss you sometimes. I miss heading out to dinner after a long day at work because we are both too tired to cook. I miss sleeping in and cooking a big breakfast for you, simply because I want to. I miss making love randomly in the afternoon because yard work was not waiting for us. I just miss you.
We had our 24 hours of kid-free time a few weeks ago oh how sweet it was. I was really looking forward to going out on the boat for a kid-free ride. Hours of just cruising around sipping on a cocktail and watching the sun set. I love appreciating the beautiful lake we live near and it makes me thankful for what we’ve each accomplished to be able to buy that boat debt free. I love talking about how hard those eight months were that you worked fifteen hour days sometimes seven days a week. Your days were long but so were mine. Carting the kids around, keeping up with the house and working from home became a challenge because I was so used to having you by my side to help me. Being on the boat reminds me that though those crazy days were hard, it was just as equally rewarding. So the weekend came and the weather was actually going to cooperate. Then you called me and said the dreadful words. “I have to work Saturday.”
I just miss us sometimes. I miss when working Saturdays for you just meant extra money towards the wedding we were saving for and an afternoon to myself. I miss how we used to stay up late talking about our future plans and what goals we had. I miss how we used to hang out with our friends until all god hours of the night. I miss how when we wanted to accomplish something we actually accomplished it whether it was a kitchen project or a scrapbook. I just miss us.
Not wanting to pass up the hours you worked you headed out Saturday morning and I happily packed up the kids to head to your mothers for the rest of the weekend. I eagerly started thinking about that cocktail and the wind in my hair because you promised me a boat ride when you got home. Then I received your random text. “Want to meet for lunch? Just because we can.” I of course answered “Hell yes!” So I kissed the kids good-bye and I found you sitting at the bar at one of our favorite places to eat. Going out to eat without kids is such a treat for us. I’d like to say even more so for me because I don’t have to cook, clean up, or eat it cold! We caught up on our week and started planning Madison’s birthday party. We talked about how my dream kitchen has not yet happened for us because we are paying off debt, not wanting to get into more debt. I was able to tell you a few of the ideas I’ve been having about giving the kitchen a bit of a “face-lift.” We didn’t have to put thousands of dollars into it, we could do a lot of it ourselves, and lucky for me your a pretty hands on guy!
I just miss you sometimes. I miss being spontaneous with you, I miss putting on a nice outfit, make-up, jewelry and a good set of heals and hitting the town with you. I miss eating really bad unhealthy food with you and eating twizzlers while binge watching Dexter for an entire weekend. I miss grocery shopping with you, yes many moons ago we actually grocery shopped together don’t you remember? I just miss you.
So we enjoyed our lunch, sipped on a few drinks, and planned our new small kitchen/dining room remodel. We headed out to home depot to choose a flooring for our dining room before heading home for a much anticipated boat ride. At the store we looked at tile, paint and a few other items. I looked at you, you were just doing your thing. I love watching you do your thing. You are amazing at a lot of things, but the two I love the most is watching you put together a project at home and how you love taking care of your family. I knew that putting this remodel together for us truly makes you happy. Then it came to me. I know if I volunteered maybe skipping the boat ride to start laying the tile that you would actually be in your glory. I even threw in a bonus, I would help.
So that night I didn’t miss you. We sipped on cocktails, put on knee pads, don’t let your thoughts go to where they are going to right now because I know what your thinking! No we worked….you taught me what to do and I layed more than half of those tiles with you and I had a blast doing it. We laughed, we talked, and we laughed some more. Why is it that it takes a night a lone with you to remind me just how funny we are together? I had a sense of accomplishment that evening. Enough to tell you about it. I don’t get to accomplish much in my days. Sure I can fold a mean load of laundry, scrub a good toilet and put out the flames to about 98 fights….an hour, but where is my sense of accomplishment on a daily basis? Sure you reminded me that there are days that you walk away from your job not feeling very accomplished, but I counteracted with but raising our children IS MY JOB. I don’t know how else to explain it besides that from here on out I’ll be doing more home projects with you!
So I do miss you sometimes. However, I take a look around me and I see our beautiful home, I watch my healthy children play together, even if it ends in five melt downs, and I feel damn lucky. I realize that though I may miss you at times we still cook breakfast for one another just because, you still hold my hand while we drive and you still put your arm around me when we are out. We may not be able to hit the town or hang out with old friends until god hours of the night but we’ve met some great new friends and we no longer have to get up with a hungry baby. Though we may not grocery shop together anymore our newest thing is Hannaford to go and you still offer to pick up anything I need on your way home from work. We may not stay up late anymore, but we still talk about our future plans and goals for ourselves. It was you that gave me the confidence to make writing a career.
So even though I may miss you at times, please know that I love you and I wouldn’t want to live this crazy life and raise these little people with anyone but you.